Jasmine Hart

Yay, now I know what people mean by emo poetry! Ok, Snoink and Claudette, as always, make good points. Reading poetry will help you. I'd suggest running this through the ...

I'll probably be slaughtered for this, but I reckon most writers have issues. If they didn't, they probably wouldn't be able to write very well. I wasn't too keen on ...

Overall I enjoyed this and felt that it was well written. For the first stanza, I'd suggest saying "in this journey" instead of "of". Maybe try "partaking in this journey" ...

This was nice, and the enjambment worked well. Stanzas would be nice, but I also quite like it this way. I agree wuith Liz about the cliches; flames darkness, flight ...

This is really good. I love your stuff.I know this isn't helpful, but I really can't find anything that I would change about this. Your imagery, as always, is fresh, ...

As Lu says, this isn't overly it's own right, there really isn't anything wrong with this. I'd change the last line, as "all" and "saw" do not rhyme, thus your ...

Yay!I just found this! Ditto what Fusion said about the first line. I think you'd need to say "view" or "his vision" as oppose to just "vision". (Which has now ...

Some of your rhyming was forced, and I think this undermined your subject matter.(e.g "sun" and "rum".)Maybe try a redraft without the rhyme, and see what happens. Your rhythm is ...

I enjoyed this, very powerful, and the emotion really shone through. The theme was great, the sentiments were strong, and I liked your imagery and phrasing. It was a well ...

This needs a little work. I'll try hard not to repeat what the others have already said. I know you said that lack of punctuation was intentional, but I'm not ...

I liked it. The theme was fresh and interesting. I'd get rid of the "my" before "lopsided scrawl". I'm really not sure about teh last three lines, they seem a ...

I liked it.I'll try not to repeat what Kit has said, but she makes some good points. She's right about "an add" not really working. I would suggests "adds" or, ...

Overall, I thought that it was great. I thought that the first verse was a little cliche, eg "My face is on fire....ribcage." The second may also be considered a ...

Brilliant. I love it.A couple of minor suggestions though; I'd say "my heartstrings are yearning for", instead of "my heartstring is yearning towards." I'd also say "with the strumming" instead ...

Ok, let's see...firstly I'd scrap "This Is 333 Words Long." It makes it sound too mechanical, and is unneccesary. The rhyming couplets were brave, but I'm not sure they're right ...